Well, I started to write this blog so that I can keep it as a diary entry, an episode which I could go back to whenever I want to relive my days, here in UK, far far away from home. There is no clear line as to whether the feeling that I have today is good or bad, let’s just call it a grey area as of now for I am sure that the dark side of it is just temporary and will vanish as soon as I go back to my country.
I have a huge slam book of memories to take with me, of the Emirates, the Theatre of Dreams, the city of Manchester, the UK Somerset country side, the sinfully frantic shopping experiences at the happening central London streets, the beautiful London architecture, the go-crazy intoxicating music in some of the legendary London clubs, riverside beer conversations with some unexpected yet very special friends and so many more picture perfect frames!
And as I sit here in my flat spending my last night here in London at home, I realise that the three months gone by have been as rewarding as anticipated in the beginning! The reason for the most part is my job though it gave a few rough days, sleepless nights and crazy stress, all impossible to handle but well, it’s a package. If you want the good part of it, you take the other side as well.
There were some breathtaking moments along the way, professionally as well as personally. And these made up for the countless nights that I spent in front of my system unable to figure out why I was doing all this. There comes a point in life when your mind starts playing tricks on you. And in my case, my brain was teasing me as if to say, “Isn’t this what you always wanted? So what are you crying about now?” But then things became better, which is primarily because you get used to even hangovers when they stay for more than a day! That’s what happened to me and once I got used to that, life was miraculously easy.
There was one extremely special moment, which was life-changing yet completely unexpected. I always thought that I was slogging to get that job, to be a part of this fraternity, to fulfil the next level of my well-thought out dream process. And finally the reward was there for the taking and when all should have fallen into place, they did but just not to form the same picture. I had to make one of the toughest choices apparently but it was not tough at all. So the most awaited words are spoken. “We would love for you to join us here.” And at that moment, it was spontaneous! I knew I had to go back, not because I don’t want this job. That was never the argument. But because there is something more important to look forward to! And now in hindsight, I probably realise that the only thing that was driving me to finish these three months here is the thought that my future is there, back in India waiting for me, where I left it!
Now there is no more confusion. I leave this city only with fantastic experiences that will speak for themselves long after I leave this place. There are no regrets. Not even a remote sense of curiosity as to how different life would have been if I had said a yes to moving to London. Just a hidden nostalgia for I will surely miss this city and the independence that it gave me in terms of every single decision of my life. But that’s about it! All the tricks by the mind fail for there is a content feeling that getting this far in itself was a big feat. And if I have to feed to my ego, well I can always use the self effacing thought that “they did actually pick me and it was I who wanted to move along!” and that feeling is almost like winning a break-up!!!